Wednesday, April 8, 2009

half-assed update

I am, in fact, very much alive and well. Perhaps too alive to keep up with a blog. To sit and write creates this weird conflict in my little brain. I don't want to recap my life, or even my thought processes. I want to do stuff. Y'know, live. Yes, I did just write that. How very high school of me.

The vertigo is long gone. I think I just pissed it off enough to make it leave. I told it it was no longer welcome, and it split. Fancy that. Except it's never really that easy. I've been sick more often this past winter than I have in my entire adult life. I've lost my voice not once but twice. (And the hippies often explain losing one's voice as a conflict over speaking one's truth.) Now I have a bum knee, again.

Someone once told me that if something isn't quite right in your life, it can manifest itself in your body.

I chafe a bit, wondering if I've made the right decisions for myself in recent days, weeks, months. I love teaching yoga. Really, I do. Somehow I've managed to keep myself honest and sane as I teach, and as I transitioned into studio ownership. But still... something's missing. Or something's taking up too much space, since I can't seem to keep my life under control.

I don't know. I didn't write this to clear shit up. I just wanted to post something new, finally. I intended to suss things out a bit more, but instead I spent my post-teaching morning comforting a friend who just put down her dog. Sad.

3 comments:

Julie said...

Wow, I think Judi is putting her dog down today too. Crazy.

maddie. said...

darling, I feel you. i started having vertigo/panic attacks when i took over management at the cafe. and it seems like the harder i work, the harder my job gets. learning how to run a cafe while simultaneously learning to run my own life and dealing with all the issues i have with other humans and within myself that come up as i go along with this. would i rather just be some line cook peon?

good point. telling the vertigo to go away. i will try that.

hearts and stuff.

swine said...

glad you're back.
some of us keep up with you, bum knee and all, on the other side. the dark side.
the FB side.
be well.
p.s. word verification: "desist"